Self-Care Is Not What You Think It Is
When someone says self-care, what comes to mind for you?
For a long time, I viewed self-care as an indulgent activity that I’d do a few times a year. Things like getting a massage, going to yoga or setting a pedicure date with friends. In general, I planned these activities randomly whenever I felt like I needed them.
When I became a mom, these infrequent self-care activities weren’t helpful to my overall well-being. Thinking of self-care as an extra, indulgent activity basically guaranteed that I didn’t do it, much less believe that I deserved it. How could I prioritize getting a massage when my infant needed me for breastfeeding? Why would I sign up for a yoga class at night when I worked full-time and only got to see my kids in the evenings and on weekends?
For the first few years of my children’s lives, I was focused on their needs while my own needs faded in the background of our busy life. I loved my kids more than anything and I felt needed, valued and a purpose as a mom. Because this felt fulfilling, I didn’t realize the toll that my pattern of giving, giving, giving was having on my health and well-being.
Eventually, my body started breaking down. After several months of visiting doctors and trying different medical interventions with no change, I met with a doctor who looked over my entire health record and told me I was perfectly healthy. She suggested my physical issues were grounded in stress and the key to healing my body was to relieve some of the stress in my life.
This perspective changed everything for me. I knew I needed my body - and mind - to be healthy so I could be there for my children. So I began to fully commit to taking care of myself.
It started slow, with small changes. I started scheduling time for myself every week. I started saying “no” to added responsibilities at work. My husband and I began to schedule regular date nights. I worked on shifting my perspective by telling myself “it benefits my children to prioritize myself” so I felt less guilt around taking time for myself.
And slowly I began seeing positive changes in my life. I felt more energized, more vibrant and more connected with who I am as a person. And even though I thought spending time away from my kids would make me a “bad mom”... I found that I became a better mom by taking care of myself.
For much of my life, I saw self-care as simply taking part in pleasurable activities. Over the last several years, my approach to self-care has broadened to reflect Oxford dictionary’s definition: “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness”. Yes. Self-care is a consistent practice that we must actively and intentionally commit to in order to promote our well-being and happiness. Self-care should nourish us, sustain us and help us be better in the world.
Self-care can be big things or small things. It can include everyday things that help reduce our stress like prepping lunches the night before or meeting with a financial planner to set a family budget. It can include more challenging tasks like changing habits, committing to a workout plan, or reframing our thinking when we feel self-judgment or compare ourselves to others.
For moms, developing a practice of self-care has an even deeper impact because taking care of ourselves benefits our families just as it benefits us. We have more to give to life when we give to ourselves.
So, I’ll ask you again…
When you think of self-care - what comes to mind for you?
Can you think of 1 or 2 self-care practices, routines, activities, or mindset shifts that could benefit you?